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Something for (Just) Me

 

Questions2Ask I am trying to figure something out. You know, nothing THAT important, just who I am and what I want to be doing with my life.  Yes, I am a mother – I wear that hat proudly and confess (for better or worse) it is my top priority and the thing that I wanted most in life. But somehow that has taken over my entire identity. Through the years, my life has become all about the kids and my family. When that email circulates around about all the jobs a mother takes on (teacher, chauffeur, activities director, chef, nutritionist, psychologist, nurse practitioner, financial advisor, etc) it really isn’t tongue in cheek. It is a 24-7, 365 days a year gig; its rewards are great but the responsibility is too. And somewhere along the way I have lost sight of something: me! It’s been all about everybody else for so long that in some ways I feel I don’t even know where to begin.

Taking time to focus on me feels a bit selfish. It also feels like there are too many other things to do first. Kids’ schedules and activities to work out, boxes to unpack, a new house to fix up and settle into, errands to run, bills to pay, household projects to work on, etc. And what about money? Shouldn’t I be putting any “leftover” energy (reference the above to-do list) into finding a part-time job instead of thinking about what I would LIKE to pursue?

Here’s the thing: I think I NEED to focus on something for me – a passion if you will (and if passion is too strong or sadly too uncomfortable a word at this point then substitute interest). What is something I am really interested in doing JUST FOR ME? Forget the family for a minute, forget whether it can bring in money…what is something (anything!) that I am really interested in? I think that is a question we ALL should be asking ourselves. Don’t we all need at least SOMETHING like that in our lives, regarding of our situation or daily responsibilities?

Are there others like me who have put themselves and their dreams on the back burner for so long that they have no idea anymore what it is that they really desire?

Is passion too scary of a word? Perhaps hobby would fit better, at least in these beginning stages. What hobby would you like to add to your life, that excites you at least somewhat. Have we just lowered the bar too much? Or perhaps we’ve made it more accessible (certainly easier to think of a few things to put on a hobby list – and hey, sometimes we just need to find a place to start).

Last week I sat down and told myself to work off a clean slate. Let’s start over and see what we come up with. What were some “hobbies” I would like to pursue? Quickly, off the top of my head, what interests me? I came up with photography, healthy living and nutrition, learning to cook better/healthier, being able to help others and of course writing. Hmm. Ok, so obviously, I need to start a food/healthy living blog!!

Joking aside, I am not quite sure what to do with this list. None of these are new interests for me, which one could argue shows that they really are true interests because they have lasted over time. The flip side of that is then why haven’t I done anything with any of them prior to this? But I am not going to beat myself up – I am focusing on this now, trying to find at least one area to start in and see where that takes me.

I do believe that when you are doing what you love, you are on purpose. It is from that place that opportunities open up and possibilities happen, perhaps even receiving financially compensation for doing it too! I would like to get to that place. But mostly, this Zen Mama Wannabe wants to FEEL passionate about something – something that is just for me. Not me as a mother, or me as a wife, but ME – just me.

 

 

 

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2 Responses to “Something for (Just) Me”

  1. Tracy Says:
    January 16th, 2015 at 2:33 pm

    The word “passion” made me instantly uncomfortable. Good heavens, I can’t even manage to find an interest, outside of family and work at this point. But my gut response to the word made me realize how badly I am neglecting myelf. I think I may start with finding something that interests me. I’m just not crafty enough for a hobby.

  2. Zen Mama Wannabe Says:
    January 16th, 2015 at 4:38 pm

    Yes, hobby/interest/passion/whatever you want to call it…just SOME thing. Funny how the word makes such difference, isn’t it? I felt the same way with “passion.” That word felt like it was just too much for me. Here’s hoping we find our word — and of course whatever “it” is that truly interests us.

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